lipstick

I spent years and a small fortune using hair color to keep my tresses dark and shiny. The maintenance, cost and the chemicals I was putting on my head was literally making me sick, so I made a major life decision. No more chemicals. Today my hair is all white and in the event of a world crisis collapse, I won’t have to worry that my favorite hair color won’t be in stock at the local Walgreens.

However, we live in a chemical world and I am a chemical girl. I am dependent on a multitude of chemicals; like WD40, toenail fungus remover and Margarita’s. I can’t live with them and I can’t live without them. My grandmother always said she felt naked without her lipstick. She would then reach inside her huge brassiere, find her tube of ‘Perfect Pink’, apply it to her lips and then stuff it back inside.

In a post-apocalyptic world, there will be a multitude of challenges I will have to face. As a prepper, I hope that I can be better prepared than the average Joe or Jane. Just as there are different personalities, there are different prepping styles and a different vision for survival after normal routines have been interrupted.

Many preppers have strong beliefs of a financial collapse, civil unrest, electrical grid failure, or major disasters. Some people save for a rainy day like unemployment or a bad snowstorm; others have extensive compounds with a trained militia, and enough supplies to rebuild after Armageddon. And then there are people who laugh at me. That is okay as I am reminded of the story of a man named Noah and his preparation for a big flood. I think people laughed at him too.

I do have a few concerns and a few strengths as I face the unknown. My guilty pleasure is eBay and the app is on my home screen. But I am pretty sure it will be useless during a major invasion, even if I could bid on some shoes at the last minute, I doubt the US Postal Service would be able to deliver while the government is being overthrown. It is not in their mission statement like “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds”.

I will have to learn how to barter and trade chemicals in person. I can see some hot ticket items will be bug repellent, sunscreen, coffee and Old Bay seasoning. The sanitation workers will not be picking up the trash the week following doomsday… or the week after or the week after that. I doubt that there will be enough Febreze to go around. So, you see we are all chemically dependent in one way or another.

I have only used my peat moss toilet on a short-term basis, and I hope I never have to find out how long it holds up during a national emergency. My little garden will supply fresh vegetables, so another favored chemical, Miracle Grow will help increase the yield. In case of a drought, my rain barrel will provide the much needed H20.

While my prepper buddies will have an arsenal of weapons, my weapon of choice is Aqua Net hair spray. It spews a wide angle of toxic fog to an intruder’s face, so my aim does not have to be that great. This bad guy will be on his knees, hands over his eyes and his hair will be held in place with a fresh coat of lacquer that is also extremely flammable.

When mankind finally destroys the forests, the oceans, and the farmlands with chemicals; we will be surrounded by anarchy, hunger and the smell of rotting garbage. It will be with determination and perseverance that I will care for my chickens and garden in order to feed my family. I will harvest seeds for springtime, collect fire wood for heat and cooking, and forage for herbs for seasoning and medicinal purposes.

As the hot sun beats down on my straw hat. I will use the ragged hem of my faded cotton dress to wipe the beads of sweat as they run down my dusty face. As I gaze out over the arid, desolate horizon, looking and praying for any signs of rain; my blistered, calloused hands with the dirty fingernails will pull a tube of “perfect pink” from my pocket…

I too would feel naked without it.

To be continued…

#confessionsofapreppergal